9 DISCIPLINE TIPS

Children are not born knowing what they should do or how to conduct themselves any more than they are born knowing how to talk, walk or do anything for that matter. Parents need to guide their children, and children need that guidance to learn to make sense of the world.

1- Love unconditionally. Remember why you brought your kids into this world. Choose to say yes to them as often as possible. Remind yourself that you are not your child's boss. You are his loving, guiding parent.

2- Build a solid relationship based on trust. The foundation of any discipline is a solid relationship. Build one with your child starting at birth. Really knowing your child will make it much easier for you to realize how to discipline them. Building this relationship starting from birth includes breastfeeding (and lots of holding and cuddling even if you cannot breastfeed), responding to baby's cries (which helps parents better read baby's cues and builds communication), carrying your baby often and playing with him.

3- Treat them with respect. Model the behavior you want in how you treat your children and others. Remember to treat them the way you would want them to treat you. This applies to both the language and tone you use. If you don't want to hear a child say 'move!' when they want you out of the way, then say 'please move aside' in a respectful tone when you want them out of your way. Don't yell at them if you don't want them to yell. Giving them respect not only teaches them to be respectful, but also builds their self-esteem. Don't embarrass your child in public, take him aside and explain why his behavior is inappropriate. Let them try to do things on their own if they want to, as long as it's safe. Also, avoid labels such as 'stubborn,' 'spoilt,' etc.

4- Think before you act. Think for a moment before you react to a particular behavior or to a request. Remember you must be consistent and follow through once you have made a decision out loud to the child. It's ok to say 'let me think about that' if you're not immediately sure how you feel about something.

5- Acknowledge their feelings. A lot of times children are very frustrated because they have strong emotions and parents just don't get it. Let your child know that you understand and accept his feelings. Acknowledging feelings means children feel safe having those feelings, learn to accept their own feelings and can then work on handling them in a better way. How many times have you heard yourself say 'no don't cry' or 'you shouldn't be sad, we'll see your friends again.' It's all well intentioned but really frustrates the child.

6- Explain. Children understand more than you think and it is better to reason and talk with them then to dish out commands. Remember you are not there to tell your child what to do but to help them learn what to do.

7- Set them up for success. Situations and circumstances can promote good or bad behavior. Where you are, the level of stimulation and noise, the time of day, hunger, tiredness, etc. can have an effect on how your children behave. Scheduling an outing or play date at the wrong place or time, or when your child is tired or hungry, will only mean that you're stuck with grumpy kids.

8- Bring dad on board. It is important to have consistency among parents and to present a united front. Making sure both parents agree and have the same stand helps reduce a child's confusion and reinforces expected behavior. The child should be getting the same message from both parents.

9- Have fun! You are blessed with a wonderful gift - your child! Too often in the midst of daily routines and to do lists, we forget to just enjoy our children. Make sure your time together is special. Read books, play pretend games, paint, make silly faces, take them to the zoo, let them help you cook and allow messes!

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