Your child’s friends start out as little well-scrubbed faces in
nursery school… timid smiles under big eyes… but eventually those small
people grow up to be bigger people with ideas, habits and influence –
some of which you may object to.
The Toddler Years
During the tender years between two and four, your child is likely to encounter other children either at nursery or when he’s out with you – and any children he meets are usually classified as his “friends,” whether he sees them once at the club or every day at nursery.
Getting to know these friends is vital for a lot of reasons: they have an increasing impact upon your child’s behavior and thinking, and if you don’t get involved now your child may resist in later years when you feel that it is really critical to know what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with. Usually, parents are frequent visitors to nurseries so there are plenty of chances to get to know your child’s friends and ask your child’s teacher how your child is interacting with other children. You can encourage your child to make friends by asking about his companions by name and talking over how he feels about each one. If you notice that your child has trouble with a particular child or has picked up a bad habit or makes an alarming comment, let his teacher know. Effective communication is the best way to make sure that your child’s time at nursery is safe, happy and productive.
During the tender years between two and four, your child is likely to encounter other children either at nursery or when he’s out with you – and any children he meets are usually classified as his “friends,” whether he sees them once at the club or every day at nursery.
Getting to know these friends is vital for a lot of reasons: they have an increasing impact upon your child’s behavior and thinking, and if you don’t get involved now your child may resist in later years when you feel that it is really critical to know what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with. Usually, parents are frequent visitors to nurseries so there are plenty of chances to get to know your child’s friends and ask your child’s teacher how your child is interacting with other children. You can encourage your child to make friends by asking about his companions by name and talking over how he feels about each one. If you notice that your child has trouble with a particular child or has picked up a bad habit or makes an alarming comment, let his teacher know. Effective communication is the best way to make sure that your child’s time at nursery is safe, happy and productive.
Kindergarten
In kindergarten, kids don’t have the close supervision that they do in nursery so they need more parental guidance in terms of what is acceptable and what is not. When your children are very young (preschool, KG 1 and 2), you need to find out more about their friends as well as their families so that ifyou send your child to spend time with them, you have some idea of the background your child is being exposed to.
Arranging for outings with school friends on the weekend or during the summer allows you to get to know your child’s friends. If you are lucky enough to live close to one of your child’s friends, try to plan periodic activities with him or her.
In kindergarten, kids don’t have the close supervision that they do in nursery so they need more parental guidance in terms of what is acceptable and what is not. When your children are very young (preschool, KG 1 and 2), you need to find out more about their friends as well as their families so that ifyou send your child to spend time with them, you have some idea of the background your child is being exposed to.
Arranging for outings with school friends on the weekend or during the summer allows you to get to know your child’s friends. If you are lucky enough to live close to one of your child’s friends, try to plan periodic activities with him or her.
Primary School
With the start of “real school,” your child’s relationship with his friends will start to change again. At an older age, the influence of peers becomes significant, so knowing your child’s friends makes you understand what the influencing factors on your child could be. Monitoring from very far and as indirectly as possible is always a good idea, to screen out the kind of influences you don’t like, and encourage those that are positive. However, it’s important that you make sure that your child always has good friends.
With the start of “real school,” your child’s relationship with his friends will start to change again. At an older age, the influence of peers becomes significant, so knowing your child’s friends makes you understand what the influencing factors on your child could be. Monitoring from very far and as indirectly as possible is always a good idea, to screen out the kind of influences you don’t like, and encourage those that are positive. However, it’s important that you make sure that your child always has good friends.
“Bad Friends”
Eventually everyone picks one… a friend that parents hate having in their child’s life. Your child may pick an impolite friend, or one who engages in behavior that you feel is simply unacceptable. But can you just forbid your child to have anything to do with a friend who you feel is a bad influence? Deal with undesirable friends as indirectly as possible, and if you need to be direct, then do so in a simple and realistic way, giving concrete examples and providing your child with alternatives. For example, if you want your child to let go of a bad friend, encourage getting closer with another friend that you do approve of.
Eventually everyone picks one… a friend that parents hate having in their child’s life. Your child may pick an impolite friend, or one who engages in behavior that you feel is simply unacceptable. But can you just forbid your child to have anything to do with a friend who you feel is a bad influence? Deal with undesirable friends as indirectly as possible, and if you need to be direct, then do so in a simple and realistic way, giving concrete examples and providing your child with alternatives. For example, if you want your child to let go of a bad friend, encourage getting closer with another friend that you do approve of.
“Virtual Friends”
As your child gets older, one new avenue for forging friendships and making acquaintances is the Internet. Chatting with people around the world sounds like fun, and it can be, but you need to enforce some guidelines. Put the computer in a main area of the house – not your child’s bedroom – and make sure you monitor what your child is doing.
You should also make sure that your child doesn’t spend too much time chatting on his computer. Instead, encourage him to make real friends.
A lot of kids spend time at Internet cafes, but these places expose your child to being completely unmonitored on the Internet. Also, you don’t have any control over the kind of people who frequent cafes. In the long run, it’s much safer to have your child in your own living room surfing the net.
As your child gets older, one new avenue for forging friendships and making acquaintances is the Internet. Chatting with people around the world sounds like fun, and it can be, but you need to enforce some guidelines. Put the computer in a main area of the house – not your child’s bedroom – and make sure you monitor what your child is doing.
You should also make sure that your child doesn’t spend too much time chatting on his computer. Instead, encourage him to make real friends.
A lot of kids spend time at Internet cafes, but these places expose your child to being completely unmonitored on the Internet. Also, you don’t have any control over the kind of people who frequent cafes. In the long run, it’s much safer to have your child in your own living room surfing the net.
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