Shaban Varajab-My River of Life

Who is Shaban Varajab? I am a Kenyan born of two Muslim parents, Mwajuma Alwanga Shaban and Shaban Olewe Wakenga. I was the last born of their four children, raised in Western Kenya. My parents came from two different ethnic backgrounds, Luhya (my mother) and Luo (my father). Although a Muslim, I attended Christian schools, interacted with many Christians and learned a lot about Christianity and less of Islam. (Partly this was because my parents passed away before I was 12 years old.) Beyond the labels of my religion, ethnicity, and status as “orphan,” perseverance, relationship building and achievement in the face of great difficulty have shaped my identity. Since my parents’ death, my maternal grandmother raised me. We struggled, coping without food and clothing at times, and with limited resources available for my education. My primary school teachers supported me; they saw my potential and paid my way through the last two years of primary school. I excelled in my 2000 KCPE Exams and was supposed to join the prestigious Mukumu Boys High School; yet we were unable to pay the required fees. In fact, I almost dropped out of school at this level. For four months I stayed at home while my friends joined high school. Instead of losing hope, I worked on nearby maize plantations to save for secondary education. My grandmother had to shed tears to see me accepted into Mukumu, yet my savings only allowed me to join my village school, Isongo High School which I joined in Mid May 2001. Getting this chance I used my early days and I studied hard to win the trust and sympathy of the Principal, who ensured that I was among the students who benefited from Ministry of Education bursary (educational support) which was competitive and limited as we had many students from poor families. At times even with the bursary I was not quite able to meet the fees, so I occasionally had to miss school for one to two months. I remember many times leaving school at 5pm very fast on my feet so that I can get home before the sun sets to conduct my studies since I had no paraffin to light my room at night. Despite this, I persisted and passed my 2004 KCSE Exams well, enabling me to join Moi University in 2006. Before joining University two key events almost pulled me down and almost made me lose trust, hope and patience in God. The first was the untimely death of the former KNUT secretary Mr. Katumanga, a man who had promised to fully sponsor my University education after being impressed with my District Mock exam results (an exam that I had stood out as the best student in Mathematics) in an event he attended at our school in October 2004. The fact that my admission letter to join University was hidden making me delay in applying for HELB loan also came to me as an inhibitor to my progress. I never gave up. Joining Moi University was not the end of my struggle. While I benefited from the Kenya Higher Education Loans Board bursary, it did not fully cover tuition and subsistence costs. I found extra work during my free time to cover costs of food, stationery and support for my ailing grandmother at home. I joined the Moi University work-study program and worked as a cleaner and a messenger at the University Dispensary. I washed students’ clothes every weekend for a fee. I also cooked shortcakes and sold them to students every morning. I was also forced to train myself in computer skills so that I could research and do typesetting for students assignments at a fee. On some occasions I would approach the university administration to offer me work opportunities during International Conferences and Symposiums, where I worked directing guests and organizing the events. This was really tricky for me, since I had to balance academics, socialization and work at the same time, while the majority of Kenyan students focus exclusively on their academic commitments. All in all, I did not lose hope. God provided me well-wishers, good health and a smart mind to overcome all odds. Besides being prayerful, I also read and interacted with great works of Inspirational writers such as Ben Carson’s Think Big, Brian Adam’s How to Succeed Nelson Mandela’s Long Walk to Freedom and Barack Obama’s Audacity of Hope. I also acknowledge the support and encouraging words of a great network of people who saw me at my worst and best, listened to my troubles and helped me lay them to rest. They include my lovely grandmother- the Late Mwanaisha Nyangweso, my sister Saada Shaban, my uncles Mr Omar Imbundu and Mr Hussein Mango, my Primary school teacher and mother Mrs Dina Nyangweso, my High school Principal-the late Patrick Kubai Lumidi, my close friend and counselor-the Assistant Dean of Moi University Mrs. Mary Wosyanju, my Economics teacher-Mrs Kurgat of Moi University, my friends Geofrey Musera of Masinde Muliro, Daniel Wereh of Rural Women Peace Link, Kate Mansfield of Mennonite Central Committee and Fred Ongeri of Moi University, Joyce Muchena of IRC-Kenya, my University roommate-Mr Johnah Mmaitsi, my mum Selline Korir, Mrs. Osaba Omar, Mrs. Alice Gondi and Mr. Tom Odhiambo in Kisumu. I am also inspired by humble people like Churchill, Eric Omondi, and many others that I cannot mention since the list is long. This team means the whole world to me-they are the small seeds that are making the big forest of progress in my life.

Right from University, I am very passionate about social change especially on issues concerning Peacebuilding and conflict transformation, youth development, gender equality, education and civic engagement.

Experiences of struggle have shaped who I am today, yet they have not limited my hope and dreams for the future. Currently I work as a program manager with Rural Women Peace Link a nongovernmental organization based in Eldoret-Kenya working with disadvantaged women and youth from conflict zones in Rift valley and Western parts of Kenya. Going forward, I believe I am not yet the man he could be and certainly not the man he wants to be, but again is not the man I used to be. My plans are to seek for a Masters scholarships that will help me advance my studies in Peace Building and Conflict Transformation focusing keenly on Policy Analysis and Political Change. I wish to share and inspire those that feel are low and cannot turn their lives around, that they should not look at where they have come from because it is not as nearly important as where they are going. Your future life empire is in your positive mind . Always keep your eyes on the stars and your feet firm on the ground. As for me, I have a vision to succeed in my life and use my success to uplift the lives of others who are coming from disadvantaged backgrounds.

by Varajab.

The Greatest Gift

Having Multiple Sclerosis can be extremely difficult, but it is possible to grow in a positive way because you have this disease.  I tell my children, everyone has something.  If they don't, they will by the end of their lives.  I have MS.  They have Asperger's and AD/HD.  In a way, they are fortunate.  They know what their "something" is at an early age and can deal with it.
My disability often makes me laugh. When I lived in my first home, I had trouble climbing the stairs and had to crawl up them. One day, I was making my way up the stairs and I felt something on my back. My young son was crawling over me. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Well, I couldn't get by you," he explained. "So I went over!" Makes sense to me.
After seventeen years, I now use hand controls on my vehicle. I'm actually very good with them and that is fortunate. People don't realize that I am using my hands to drive. Pedestrians dart right out in front of me. Sometimes, I feel like I should have one of those pizza delivery signs on top of my car. This one will say, "DANGER! DANGER!"
The other day, I was having trouble walking into the theater where my daughter was performing with her choir. As I inched my way through the snow, a man ran up behind me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and the other under my elbow. "You look like you need a lift," he quipped. Before I could even answer him, he picked me up and zoomed across the street to the concert door. He and his wife then zipped into the auditorium as I called after him, "Thank you!!!" In earlier years, when I didn't have MS, I would have been rather insulted by such a gesture. Today, I'm just grateful.
Because of my MS, my left hand won't work and I can't play the piano. I could be very bitter, but I am not. Instead, I have discovered writing. I type with my right hand and one finger with my left. I'm the fastest six-fingered typist you would ever meet.
I wouldn't consider the MS a gift, but what I have learned as a result is. Most importantly, having MS has changed me as a person. I believe that I am more compassionate and understanding. I make a great effort to never judge others. Every day I repeat, "Therefore, but by the grace of God go I." It means—that could be me. I could have a problem with alcoholism. I could have a mentally-impaired child. I could be homeless. In this case, it is me. I have a chronic disease.
If you think having MS will change your life, you are correct. But it doesn't have to be all bad. When you take a different path in the woods, it leads you to other paths that you couldn't have found any other way. I know, you didn't choose this path. But you are on it. The interesting thing now is to see where it leads you. What will you experience that you would never have experienced before? Who will you meet? What will you accomplish.
Your life may look differently than the one you envisioned for yourself, but it could also end up to be more beautiful than you ever imagined. Instead of being angry that you must use a cane, use it to "hook" your son and pull him to you for a hug. Everyone's "something " might be the greatest gift they will ever receive.

Beth Praed (formerly Beth Hill)

Mistakes I made

 I was always doing the right thing as a kid. I was active in sports and I was just a great kid to be around. However, my life changed for the worse when I started smoking pot. I was a junior in high school when I started and i instantly became hooked. I smoked pot basically every single day my Senior year of high school. I got arrested for possession and right before I graduated form high school I got a DWI... After that, loved ones started questioning who I really was. I just want to be able to make the people that love me proud and I don't want to give them any reason to worry. They have forgiven me but they didn't forget. I am in college now still trying to figure out what I want to do the rest of my life. 

By BoB!

The Flower Arrangement

One day, during our biology class our teacher conducted a flower arrangement competition. There were five groups who competed and the materials used are weeds, leaves and anything you can pick in the garden.

The toughest thing about being the leader of group one is that we are not artistic and our vase is tall and thin that only few of flowers can occupy. We putted a white chrysanthemum, wild green grasses, big brown leaves and some weeds.

From the start we knew with ourselves that we will not win and we accepted it as well. Describing our work make us down for it looks plain and a little bit funny compared to others work.

Teachers from our department started to judge for the flower arrangement. We don't have the right to be nervous for our work is obviously weird.

I was totally in shocked and my classmates started laughing when our teacher uttered the group winner.

It was us.

"We have judged and it's group one who wins." My teacher said and smiled.

The little flower in the tiny vase and the weird weeds won.

My teacher decorated the flowers placing our work in the teacher's table. I am still in shocked in how life can be so playful.

What's on earth is life trying to tell me?

It's already time for our math subject and a classmate of mine started to ask our next teacher.

"Maam, from the five flower-arts will you please choose the most beautiful."
"All of them are beautiful." My math teacher answered.

"Maam how about the one in your table. Is it beautiful? "Another classmate asked with a sarcastic tone and an intention to tease our group. "With the fact that it was here, and then it was believed to be special." my teacher replied and smiled.

That was a safe answer though it gives me a sense of relief.

Who told us that weeds are ugly and simplicity is boring?

Beauty is objective and not subjective. It varies to different people and depends to the judge.

Like our work, no matter how ugly you are there will be this people that will treat you as if you're the most beautiful creation that ever existed.

I love my teacher's explanation with our work.

"With the fact that it was here, and then it was believed to be special." That assertion leads me to something...

Likewise with the fact that we exist it was believed by our creator that we are special.

 Submitted by Juruh Gagarin

My Struggles and Success

All of my life I have dreamed of being a mother; and a doctor. I began this journey at 16 years of age when I graduated high school. I went on to attend the local community college earning my Associate of Science in Biology with an honors-level GPA. My next step was graduating with my Bachelor of Science in Biology from SUNY Fredonia. Toward the end of my Master of Arts in Education program, I finally saw a positive pregnancy test! I was absolutely thrilled… unfortunately, my husband did not feel the same way. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I discovered he was cheating on me with a girl he worked with. On the day of my gender appointment to discover if I was having a boy or a girl, my husband left me. I soon discovered his girlfriend did not want my son to be born and neither did he. Due to all of the horrifying acts that were taking place from him and his girlfriend not wanting my son, I was forced to get an Order of Protection against a man I had known my entire life.
In February 2012, I delivered my son. Unfortunately, the delivery did not go well. I lost a significant amount of blood due to hemorrhaging. I almost died in that hospital room. Luckily, after several weeks of recovery my son and I were able to go home. A few weeks later, I began experiencing horrible pains in my stomach. I was rushed to the hospital only to find out my organs were shutting down and I needed emergency surgery. I was rushed from hospital to hospital in an attempt to find a surgeon who could help. None of the surgeries were working… until the last! This time I was not able to have my son in the hospital with me and I was completely lost. He was my entire world, I just had him and I couldn’t see him. I made it through, though! I did it! I was finally able to go home and see my little boy.
Throughout all of these difficulties, I managed to maintain an honors level GPA and finish all of the coursework for both my Master of Arts in Education program and my Doctor of Education program as an honors-level student. I am now proud to say I am an Adjunct Professor at Jamestown Community College, a Course Developer at Achiever University and World Education University and also work for Walmart’s corporate office. I am able to do this all from home so I can spend as much time as possible with my beautiful little boy. I have also met and fell deeply in love with a wonderful man who loves my son and me with all of his heart.
This is my story and it is proof that despite whatever challenges you go through you can still succeed!

 Submitted by Amber

Sara's Smile

As a freelance photographer it is not unusual that my computer and external hard drive contains several thousand images. To a stranger they might not mean a whole lot, but behind the scenes I believe each image contains a myriad of emotions. Whether it is one of my own personal family images or one from an assignment such as the first kiss of a bride and groom, each photo holds a special meaning to someone. That special meaning of life is frozen in time, and I often smile when looking at photos from the past. It wasn’t until recently I realized the power of a smile.
Usually while photographing I find myself escaping my own reality and slipping into another’s. With that comes a sense of privilege and joy, and at times heartache. Life is full of the beautiful and unexpected. I have always enjoyed and am grateful being able to capture some of life’s greatest moments, those that last but a fraction of a second. My nerves are often eased by my pure appreciation for life. Despite having a bit of the artist’s curse, which means I am often striving for perfection, I have always carried a strong belief in God. His gift of life is has been the very essence of my work. What I never imagined was that I would have the opportunity to witness his grace first hand. Perhaps it was being at the right place at the right time (with my lens in tow) or perhaps it was a glimpse into something bigger?
On the morning Wednesday, November 27th, 2013 I set forth to fulfill an obligation I had committed to at a local retirement and nursing community. Since it was a day off from my full-time job I opted to bring my best little assistant, my three-year old daughter Madison, (aka Maddie). I was optimistic that her animated charisma, platinum pigtails, big blue eyes, and cherry smile would be instrumental with bringing out the natural delight of our golden friends. The photos I was asked to take were for the “Wall of Fame”, which is designated to honor each of the residents. We were hoping to add additional images to the wall that would display them in a candid and natural demeanor. These images would be on display for visitors and family members to see.
I was truly excited (and nervous) when agreeing to the job and my connections to the retirement inspired me even more to fulfill the request. My first connection is that my best friend works there. She has been the Volunteer Coordinator of the grounds for the past ten years, which is ironic because it is also where she and I began volunteering when we were twelve. Having both been exposed the contributions and volunteer service of our mothers we were intrigued and wanted to do something. After over twenty years of being best friends, I recognize it now as an incredible and innocent way in which our friendship grew.
My second connection is that my grandmother spent her last years there. She was a spitfire, much like my own daughter. Small, yet fierce and the ice-blue eyes that make you want to know more. She and I had shared a special connection. From our love for nature (especially cats) to shopping, she was my buddy. She passed away in January of 2007. It was her time, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less. I was sad and selfishly I stopped visiting the residents or volunteering in any capacity there. There’s not a day that goes by and I don’t think of her. She is a part of me, and I am a part of her. I recently was married in the chapel located on the grounds that overlooks the lake. There’s not a doubt in my mind she was overlooking over us on that beautiful June day.
Since it had been several years since my interaction with any of the residents I was somewhat nervous when agreeing to photograph them. Would I know how to speak clearly to them? Would they be receptive to me? Would they be irritated by the camera or my energetic child? Despite my apprehension I wanted to help with the completion of the Wall. How beautiful I thought it would be to be a part of something that respects the lives of those who live there.
Upon arriving the residents were just finishing up with their daily mass service and Kayla the Recreation Coordinator was ready for us to begin. We began with meeting “Ollie” and Maddie singing Roudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer! He had a genuine smile and deep eyes. At times the technical responsibilities impede the natural beauty of what I am looking at, but on this particular day I was looking further into the lens. I saw past lighting issues or imperfect backgrounds. I trusted my camera to do its job and focused simply on enjoying the lives of those before me. Some welcomed us eagerly and others shied away from the bright flash of the camera. As we greeted and spoke with each resident I instinctively eased into my groove and most of my fears and insecurities subsided. I felt at peace.
Several individuals from that day stood out in my mind xx read my palm …. Xx was proudly wearing her holiday flair, from her hair to her nails. And there was who xx told Kayla and I dirty joke. He made me laugh and it was refreshing to witness the sense of humor and sheer appreciation for life. By now nearly all of my nervousness had subsided, and I was thoroughly caught up in simply enjoying the moment. This is one of my favorite parts of being the one behind the camera, once finding my place I am able to slip away into the oblivion of embracing the gift of life that surrounds me at that given moment.
Most of the residents were on their way to eat their lunch and this is where I captured a few of them. As we left the dining area we entered the last resident room for the day. Upon entering the last room I had little reason to suspect that anything could be different from the rooms, but it was different. Kayla explained to me that this was where their young residents live. Young residents I thought?? Here I met two young ladies who are both living with minimal physical and cognitive abilities. This was a result of them both sustaining severe injuries in separate automobile accidents. Tabitha is 39 (only six years older than me) and Sara who is 23. I thought wait, “This is impossible, I am in a retirement community there cannot be young women in here”… and suddenly it became real. Everything became real, the sound of my own daughter dancing and laughing around me and the silent empty gazes where deafening. How and why does this happen? I had so many questions and initially felt there was so much to feel sad about. My immediate pain is for the families of these beautiful young ladies. While typing this I feel as though a part of me is frozen in that moment, forever praying that their pain and burdens may be lessened.
As I watched my own daughter playfully bounce, in and around the room I felt guilty and heartbroken. Then it happen before I ever saw it coming, Madison snuck in between me and Sara. Sara’s head had been propped to her left side, and she had a “Tangled” blanket on her lap, Tangled is one of Madison’s favorite Disney movies and she found that immediate connection with Sara. As Madison appeared before Sara’s tilted vision Sara smiled. It was an honest, but a very real and prominent smile. I clicked the shutter as quick as possible, again forgetting my own pain I had transitioned into realizing that I was witnessing a state of pure beauty. For me was comparable to seeing the smile of my own child for the very first time, it was that real.
When Kayla and I resumed our conversation she explained to me that this was Sara’s first smile in some time. Immediately I felt even incredibly blessed to have been there by her side. Having the camera was simply a bonus. For me seeing Sara smile not only made my day, but it gave me a deeper appreciation for life, new hope and a sense of renewed faith. She reminded me that things may not be as though they appear, and that we all can become distracted of what really matters in life. I don’t know that when we return if she will smile again, but I do know that moment has been forever engraved deep into my soul. Her smile was exactly what I needed to see and feel, on that day before Thanksgiving. There’s not a doubt in my mind I left there a better person.
Thursday morning as we awoke, my family decided to go to the Thanksgiving mass, which was a new tradition for us. I will readily admit that I was excited to be the instigator of this new tradition in our quaint family of three. Although we sat in a different spot than we would for our normal Sunday services, I felt such a deep connection to the Lord and to what our, Priest Father Ritchie, was saying. He spoke firmly, but with purpose reminding those in attendance of our obligations to simply be thankful and be appreciative. One point in particular he made was that we begin to feel “entitled”. He couldn’t be more right. It was all I could do to keep from crying, and apparently I didn’t do that great of a job of fighting the tears back because at one point my husband asked if I was okay and I nodded. I was okay because they were tears of humiliation, appreciation and joy. While trying to complete a wall of memories and honor… I had let down a different wall and had let God in. As much as it hurts and as hard it is to accept that there aren’t any guarantees in life, I would much rather feel it all love and pain – than nothing at all.
The pleasant combination of having had the opportunity to take photos with some great people and being blessed with the seemingly-personalized gospel on Thanksgiving has resulted in a happier me, inside and out. As a young adult and parent I am learning that life in itself is the biggest uncertainty we are faced with. There is so much joy and happiness, but with it comes grief and pain. This has been an obstacle that I’ve yet been able to fully wrap my mind around. Having spent many years struggling with anxiety and worry, I am slowly beginning to accept that it is not my purpose to understand life. And through the guidance of my faith I am quite optimistic that my purpose is to: appreciate life, be grateful for it, and simply smile for all the blessings. Call it cliché or whatever you wish, but I would have never imagined that something as small as a smile could brighten even the darkest of days, or make such a profound change in the life of a complete stranger. Whether you have lost someone dear to you, have followed a broken path in life, or perhaps have even lost yourself then I will share these few words with you …..SMILE because if Sara can smile, then so should we all!

Love and peace be with you always – Maureen Rizzo

Does alcohol make you argue?

Why alcohol can encourage arguments and what steps you can take to prevent drunken rows from becoming a regular fixture.


• Why alcohol can lead to argument?

Whether you fancy an evening in with a takeaway and the telly, or a night out at a nice restaurant, a glass of wine can help you and your partner feel more relaxed and sociable. Drink too much however, and you could find your night ruined by a booze-fueled barney that neither of you really want. Late-night disagreements may often be resolved in the morning, but they can grow into relationship-threatening resentments.

Why alcohol can encourage us to argue

Alcohol works on the brain to lower our inhibitions, which can be great news if you fancy some flirty behavior with your partner. But those lower inhibitions can also make you accidentally let slip that you hate their new hairstyle, or find you flirting with that sexy bar worker between rounds.

The flip side to the feel-good state that alcohol can create are the angry moods that may start to appear after you've drunk too much. Scientists have linked aggression to the consumption of too much alcohol (1) – so it's not surprising that you're more likely to argue after drinking.

Just what is it about alcohol that so often leads to fights and arguments? 

More worryingly, scientists have also identified a strong link between alcohol and domestic violence (2). In some cases, arguing after drinking alcohol can bruise much more than your ego.

How alcohol can exacerbate any problems in your relationship

Relate relationship counselor Christine Northam says that arguing a lot when you're drunk could reveal underlying problems with your relationship. She believes that alcohol is often used as an excuse for bad behavior. About a third of the couples Christine sees end up in counselling because one of them, or both, drink too much.

"The younger couples I see work really hard in the week and then go ballistic at the weekend," says Christine, "and that can cause arguments. In the questionnaire people fill out before they see me, one of the questions is 'How much alcohol do you drink?' Often I'll ask people in counselling 'Do you drink much?' and they say 'No'. But looking at their survey results reveals otherwise."

Why not cut down on alcohol together? Find out how with a bit of team work you could both be drinking less and enjoying an even better relationship.

The best time to talk with your partner

If alcohol is affecting your relationship, the next day or when you are both sober is the best time to talk. Author and behavioral expert Judi James, says that if you think your partner is drinking too much, it's important not to criticize them.

"Instead you might want to say: 'Why don't we try to cut down together?' Then you can both motivate one another and will have a responsibility to each other," advises Judi. "Or you might want to ask your partner when they're sober, 'Shall I stop you when you've had too much to drink?"

Five ways to stop alcohol ruining your relationship

Go alcohol-free The best nights out, or evenings in, don't have to include booze. You can bond over a romantic movie or sip delicious alcohol-free cocktails at the bar.

Stay within the government's daily unit guidelines If you do decide to drink alcohol try and stay within the government's guidelines.

Snack smarter Food slows down the rate your body absorbs alcohol. So if you do choose to drink, eat regularly before and during drinking to help you stay sober.

Talk it out sober If something is worrying you, don't wait until you've had too much to drink to talk about it. Instead, try and discuss any problems with your partner over a coffee.

Choose the soft option Alternate soft drinks with alcohol to help stay in control of what you're drinking.